But in Everything by Prayer

It is amazing to watch how faithfully God answers prayer.  This past week really gave me a chance to reflect on the importance of prayer and God's response when we cry out in need.  Being on staff, I am required to raise a budget, which includes my salary, benefits, ministry expenses, etc...  This budget also influences my time on campus with students based on how much I have raised.  So as time this summer has been moving very fast and my lack of a salary is becoming more evident, I have begun to feel the pressure and stress of fund raising.  The key aspect that drives this pressure is knowing that if I don't get what I need raised, I will not be able to get on campus during one of the most crucial parts of the semester for connecting with students. 

Last Monday all the pressure and stress caught up with me.  I came home and the feeling of discouragement, failure, fear, and anxiety hit me.  I realized that it was nearly the end of July and my fund raising seemed stuck.  I had a goal of reaching 50% by the end of July but I was no where close to it.  I felt like I was doing everything wrong, I wasn't being a good staff worker, and that I was being a failure.  On top of that, the anxiety of knowing I needed to be 70% funded to work on campus and to have a salary completely overwhelmed me.  I was distraught. I didn't know what to do.  My dad quickly caught on to my distress and came to the rescue.  He began to comfort me which led me to tears (which for me is a big deal).  But what he did next I believe was the most important thing he could have done for me.  He prayed for me.  He prayed that God would give me strength and provide abundantly for me in my fund raising.  He interceded for me.  And at that point I realized that is what I needed to do and it had totally left my mind.  So I prayed.  But I did not just leave it at that, I found others to start praying for me.  I sent out emails and text messages.  I told my friends I needed people to intercede for me during this hard point in time.  After that, I slept well that night.

God was faithful to those prayers and blessed me with a quick response.  By Wednesday that week God had worked as only He could to bless me with enough support to be 23% funded (and as of right now I am 25% funded with at least 6 appoints in the next 2 weeks and a few others still deciding on support).  It was not an immediate 50% but it showed that if I rely on God, He really does have this all in control and will provide for my needs.  God does great things.  When we rely solely on Him, things go so much better in life.  Though it is not always the easiest thing in the world that He leads us towards and not always according to my schedule, it is always with the promise that He will be there and He will provide.  And I am so glad that my God wants to know when I do feel discourage, afraid, and nervous as He leads me.  When I prayed and told God that I was discouraged, He encouraged me.  When I told Him that I was anxious and nervous, He gave me peaceful sleep and friends to speak God's promises to me.  He is still at work answering those prayers that I spoke last week (and continue to udder today).  

I think it is so easy to forget how important prayer is.  Yet it is vital to being in a relationship with God.  It is time to speak with Him and listen to Him too.  It is a time to^"6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, ⁷ casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6–7 (ESV).  It is a reminder of God's power and His ultimate provision.  Prayer reminds me that I cannot do what I am doing without God.  I need Him to do His will.  So I will continue to be in prayer to build that relationship with my Lord and Savior, and to continually humble myself before the sovereign power of God.

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. 2001 (Php 4:4–7). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society. 

Casting Crowns, Jesus Hold Me Now

When life gets hard and funding doesn't always go to plan, this is good to remember and reflect on.

It's Like Me

It's Like Me ~ By Kutless  (lyrics are below)

This is probably one of my favorite songs by Kutless.  Not does the music just sound great, the lyrics convict my heart.  How often do I miss the opportunities set before me to share my faith?  How many times did I come so close but steer so far from sharing my testimony?  Too often I let fear get in the way of sharing my faith.  I let my old timid and shy nature take control when I should let the Spirit lead me.  I say 2 Timothy 1:7 is my life verse because I need to remember that God did not make me to be fearful and timid but to have a spirit of "power and love and self discipline".  I know that is what God made me to be but too often I let the weakness of my flesh make me believe that is not true.  It seems so hard to say a few words, yet it really isn't all that complicated if I truly believe God will guide me.  What really puts it into perspective for me is the Bridge: "Would my care increase if I truly believed that a life could be saved".  Do I really believe that God can use me to lead another Christ?  Do I really believe this is a matter of eternal life or eternal death?  My initial reaction is yes of course I believe those things... but sometimes by actions seem to say otherwise.  I think that most of us suffer from this same tension though.  I believe that many Christians want to share the Gospel but once the time comes are consumed with fears like I so often am.  We really believe that we should share the Gospel and that God gives us the ability to do it; but then we see it as such a daunting task and then turn away from it.  And I think Jesus saw this coming.  If you look in Luke 10, Jesus does not send people out alone to spread the news but in pairs.  He sends his followers out so they have a support system; they have someone to walk, talk, and pray with during their experiences.  And I think that the buddy system is good even today.  What a way to encourage one another through taking risk and keep each other accountable to sharing the Gospel.  I think Jesus knew what he was doing with that one.

Now as I am going on staff I am so much more aware of this natural reaction of mine.  I need to be constantly conscience of being more intentional about sharing the Gospel.  I am no longer a student learning how to share the Gospel, I am now a leader teaching students how to share the Gospel.  There is no better way to teach than to live as an example.  I can no longer fall victim to remaining comfortable.  I need to be a Christian example for my students to follow and learn from in ALL aspects of Christian life. 

My conversation is leading nowhere
And we talk of God but still I don't share
So many times that I just never saw the chance

It's like me to never see
When it came, when it went
Now it's gone away
It's so like me to never see
When it came, when it went
Now it's gone away

The phone rings with news that he's gone
Just the time I shared my heart was prepared and another soul was won
So much truth to tell, I am so glad I saw the chance

It's like me to never see
When it came, when it went
Now it's gone away
It's so like me to never see
When it came, when it went
Now it's gone away
Sometimes I still never see when perfect opportunities come my way
Would my care increase if I truly believed that a life could be saved

It's like me to never see
When it came, when it went
Now it's gone away
It's so like me to never see
When it came, when it went
Now it's gone away 

Summer CUP 2011

I wrote this after coming back from InterVarsity's Chicago Urban Program (CUP) in July 2011.  It was yet another very transformative point in my life.

I know this is long over due now but for those of you who want to know about how my trip this summer to the Austin neighborhood of Chicago went here you go :)

Summer CUP is one of those things where once you go you don't come back the same.  Something in you changes either your actions, thoughts, beliefs, or heart, something feels different after spending 5 intense weeks of learning about God's heart for justice and how much injustice is in this world. So to prevent this from being a book I'll share with you all some of the most powerful things I learned and experienced while I was spending my summer open to hearing what God had to say about this subjects we so often approach from a distance.

CUP was awesome! God is so amazing He like confirmed that I was supposed to be there on the second day! We were talking about how you have to proclaim the message of Christ but also live out that proclamation, you need to be demonstrating that the Gospel you are preaching is what you say it is and does what you say it does (ie hope, healing, rest, etc...). So evangelism and outreach go hand in hand, well I just so happen to be our chapter's evangelism and outreach coordinator. So what I was learning I need to take back to campus and use my position to help share that with others. So that was epic, it was a total God moment. And it also helped encourage my decision to go on staff more too. I talked to all the staff workers there and they were saying how great it was that I was pursuing it and really encouraging me through it. Then they would talk to me as if I had already been accepted to go on staff even. And my site staff were always saying how excited they were that I was coming on staff and that they knew I would make a good staff worker. But what really sealed the deal was my site staff Chris said that he saw me as his Jr. Staff in the apartment.

Then the other very awesome part yet very challenging and convicting was our manuscript study through the book of Amos. It just showed again and again God's heart for the oppressed and those who experience injustice. But it also showed his anger towards the Israelites in perpetuating the things that broke His heart. He ROARED at the fact that they were only being "sunday morning jews" and causing injustice whether it was direct or indirect. At one point Amos calls them cows because cows are lazy and gluttonous and will trample anything that get in there way of what they want. And it was basically like this when I heard that "wow, I do that...that means I am being called a cow..." I want the easy life and because of that, while I am sitting on my couch, people are being exploited so I can have that easy life. I'm not directly doing it but indirectly doing it and that Angers God. I response to this strong and very challenging conviction, I’m looking into more fair-trade, budgeting my money, shopping thrift store, etc... to not take part in those things as much as I can.  And also I need to be a more informed voter so I can help cause systemic change through my politician choices because it is more than an individual problem but a system problem too...

But it was also a very encouraging experience in seeing how the Church can bring change and reach those who are unreached in our world. So I got to work with a college readiness program and those kids have so much potential and they have dreams and goals and are trying to reach them. They aren't lazy and they getting to know Jesus too all because some people saw that if these kids in these neighborhoods didn't have some one there to invest in them and show them that their education mattered that they need to try hard to get into the schools that would help them (the local public schools are horrible in their neighborhoods, they are called drop out factories so they have to try and get into different ones). But these kids are good kids, they are fighting against the system and the Church is walking along side of them giving them every chance they can for success...it was a good thing to see So I think that is a good over view.

 

I am very excited to be back in Big Rock/Aurora and I can't wait to start using what I've learned about.  It has already been an interesting experience going to the store (try finding fair-trade at woodmans...its hard! but then so exciting to see the cafe next to where I work serves fair-trade coffee!!).  But it is encouraging to come back and see that there are things I can do here, and to be a part of a church that is working to serve the community :)

 

Urbana '09

This was yet another critical moment in my path towards ministry.   I wrote this when I came back from InterVarsity's Mission Conference called Urbana.

Ok for everyone who wants to know about my Urbana experience please read :)

It was so great to watch how God works.... The most defining moment for me at Urbana was the altar call. To see all those glow sticks held high because so many students accepted Christ was such a powerful moment. I can't get over it. It was touching and powerful and inspiring. To see those many people accept God's free gift made me realize how much I appreciate what God did for me even more...

This gift isn't to be taken lightly. He dwelled among us to be able to bring us back to Him. He suffered and died but rose again to give life to us all. The darkness cannot overcome the Light. That is a pretty deep thing to think about...

On top of that amazing image the seminars were so informative. I was so scared that by deciding to be a public school teacher here instead of going over seas was me ignoring God. But God needs Christians in the schools right here, so I am at peace with my decision [at least until I am shown differently ;) ]. Also, there were 400 students at that seminar! Think of the difference 400 teachers can make.... Public school teaching is a mission field. The public school system was described, during the seminar, as a closed country. So God needs to send some one to those places too right?

But it was also a great time to be with friends. It was great to spend so much time with all my friends and to experience such a meaningful event with them. Spending the morning sessions together, lunch, free time, dinner, and the evening sessions were all very memorable moments.

We actually got a table, lunch time was packed lol

And then to see some friends I haven't seen for a long time made it even more awesome :) And I feel like God used the time there to strengthen my relationships with everyone.

Family Group Reunion!!

I think that is a good thing because I struggle with feeling alone and stuff sometimes. So to share this with such great people and just spend such meaningful time with everyone really helped me with that. I feel like we are really friends not just "friends".

So much happened within those five days, there is no way I could write about it all. But I think this captures the biggest part of it. It was a time of worship, praise, growth, fun, adventures, plans, and challenges. It was pretty amazing :)

IVLI in a Nutshell

This note I made after I came back from InterVarsity Leadership Institute back in July 2009.  This is one of the key points in my life that God used to lead me and grow me towards going into ministry.

This had to be one of the greatest and most transformative months of my life. All I know is God really brought me out of my shell. I did things I never thought I could. For starters, I actually went away for a month. I knew absolutely no one and was far from home. But God has created what I am sure are going to be lasting friendships. I went out and did contact evangelism. I've NEVER done anything close to that before but God showed me if I take risks for Him I don't need to fear. I went kayaking. That might not seem like much but I've never done it before. I learned how to swing dance. Never imaged that I would ever be able to perform the simplest step and now I can do the arm bar, belt slide, and inside turn :D. I would never open up to people but I became vulnerable and shared my feelings.

God really used this month to grow me. I learned that I have exousia over the devil's dutamis. I can control my fears. I learned that a life without risk, is a life that isn't trusting God. I learned that if I put it all in God's hands everything will work out. All of my confidence comes from God and that is why I can go out and do His will. I learned that failure isn't always failure, especially when it comes to evangelism. They aren't rejecting me but Jesus and whatever I say was a seed planted. I have come back a new person. God is revealing to me who I could be and should be, and slowly He is bringing that person out into the open. He showed me that I have a voice and what I am thinking matters. So I have to start being a leader and start taking some risks and start stepping it up.

And the friends I made are so amazing!!! I thank God for each and every person He brought to IVLI, especially my family :). You guys are so awesome and God is going to really bless you and use you to bless others (He already used you to bless me). Thanks for being my big brothers and big sisters; I've never been the youngest before. I'll never forget all the time we spent together (volleyball, kayaking, Narnia, Ice cream, thrift store, cards, Taboo, the Quest for the Sea Porcupine, long talks, prayers, campfires, and so much more). I really consider you my family now. You have all been an influence on my life and I appreciate what you have added to it
But every single person at IVLI was a blessing to me and I am so glad to have been able to meet all of you :D. I pray that we will meet again (Urbana??) and that God will continue work in you.

I learned so much and I am so eager to start living my life full of it. It’s a new me and I am so happy I went to IVLI. But now it is time to start taking the steps to keeping this change in my life, a part of my life. Praise God for this new life and I pray for the strength to continue on the path.